Life

I've been dealing with a lot this past week. Things are finally getting back to normal. I lost one of my family members to a sudden and tragic accident and it triggered my anxiety so I had to deal with that. I had alcohol nearly every night before bed just so I could calm down and get to sleep. I even ate chicken. When my nerves get wacky, I don't eat properly and to make sure I get enough protein, or just calories in general I eat foods I don't normally like to eat (i.e., chicken). I finished off on the last of my chicken meal this morning, so I can focus again on eating clean and healthy pesca-vegetarian meals.

Adonai answers prayers. I’d been feeling so upset with a mix of emotions, but I prayed to the Lord and He heard and answered my prayers. I feel peace. And yesterday I cried out in thanksgiving and I immediately felt a wave of peace come over me. I guess I was having a bit of survivors guilt. My cousin and her friend died in a car crash. They were out joyriding on the capital beltway in virginia and neither of them had a license. They turned the corner too quickly and the car flipped and hit a concrete divider. My texted my Last Friday morning and I was devastated.

I’ve done my fair share of foolish things in my life but Adonai has been gracious and merciful. And I felt some-type of way about it. But yesterday I cried out to Adonai with a hyper-awareness of His grace and mercy over my life. I had to give Adonai glory and praise. I remember many occasions were I was spared from going to prison, from dying of a disease during my childhood, and so much much much more. I could be dead but I’m alive. Adonai is Lord and His will is righteous. I’m grateful, and I was not given the spirit of fear. I cast my burdens down and He freed me.

aPsalm 136 Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

136 Give thanks to Adonai, for he is good,

for his grace continues forever.

2 Give thanks to the God of gods,

for his grace continues forever.

3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

for his grace continues forever;

4 to him who alone has done great wonders,

for his grace continues forever;

5 to him who skillfully made the heavens,

for his grace continues forever;

6 to him who spread out the earth on the water,

for his grace continues forever;

7 to him who made the great lights,

for his grace continues forever;

8 the sun to rule the day,

for his grace continues forever;

9 the moon and stars to rule the night,

for his grace continues forever;

10 to him who struck down Egypt’s firstborn,

for his grace continues forever;

11 and brought Isra’el out from among them,

for his grace continues forever;

12 with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm,

for his grace continues forever;

13 to him who split apart the Sea of Suf,

for his grace continues forever;

14 and made Isra’el cross right through it,

for his grace continues forever;

15 but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Sea of Suf,

for his grace continues forever;

16 to him who led his people through the desert,

for his grace continues forever;

17 to him who struck down great kings,

for his grace continues forever;

18 yes, he slaughtered powerful kings,

for his grace continues forever;

19 Sichon king of the Emori,

for his grace continues forever;

20 and ‘Og king of Bashan,

for his grace continues forever;

21 then he gave their land as a heritage,

for his grace continues forever;

22 to be possessed by Isra’el his servant,

for his grace continues forever;

23 who remembers us whenever we are brought low,

for his grace continues forever;

24 and rescues us from our enemies,

for his grace continues forever;

25 who provides food for every living creature,

for his grace continues forever.

26 Give thanks to the God of heaven,

for his grace continues forever.