2016 A Year of Loss and Regret and Recovery

2016 sixteen has been a challenging year for me and my family. There have been plenty of blessings but there have also been more than a few challenges. Early this year I lost my grandmother; she hadn’t been doing well but her passing on was still saddening and even brought up some emotions and thoughts I didn’t even know I had. I spent several weeks after her passing regretting having not taking more interest in her life, not finding out more of who she was and not just not calling or making more of an effort or priority to spend time with her.

I should have asked her about her mother and her siblings. And what her life was like growing up in Virginia and how much she hated working on a tobacco plantation. 30 years I wasted and lost. The opportunity was lost and that is one of my deepest regrets.

Shortly after my grandmother’s passing, my son turned 1yr. Old and the day after his birthday he came down with a virus that lingered and we ended up making several trips to the hospital and even had an overnight stay on one of the occasions.

Life has steadied for a while and then I found out my father had been admitted to the hospital with cancer again and he had been in and out of the hospital for months but he passed on a few weeks ago. I lost 2 grandparents this year. There is something about losing a grandparent that especially hurts. I’ve always been someone who takes pride and interest in who and where they come from but as 2 of my grandparents have transitioned this year, I realize that I didn’t take much interest or time as I thought.

My grandfather (maternal) was never really in my life. I’d seen him several times but I’d never spent time with him. One thing I did make sure to ask him was the names of his parents. I’d seen my great-grandmother a few times but I almost no memories of her. I did attend her 100th birthday party but she wasn’t mentally sound and even if she was I’m not sure she wouldn’t have really know me.  My mother and grandfather didn’t have a close relationship and because of that my grandfather and me didn’t have a close relationship.

I’ve recently realized that I have to be responsible in knowing who and where I come from. I want my son to know his heritage and culture. My grandfather was from Jamaica, he came to the United States in the 50’s. I know the names of his parents and due to a google search I now know the names of his grandparents my great-great grandparents.

Amongst losing 2 of my grandparents (I have 1 living grandparent), I lost a pregnancy in October and I was torn. I am looking to closing 2016 on a positive. Whatever it is I just want a joyous and memorable occasion to usher in 2017.