Gender Identity (essay from the past)

I found an essay I wrote on gender identity from a few years ago. I have no idea what class it was for. I dropped a class every semester so it could have been from any number of courses. As I was reading it and it didn't seem like my voice.

I honestly don't have a lot of thoughts or opinions on what I've written. I don't feel moved by it; probably because I was unmoved when I when I was writing. I've made no edits, its as it was when I submitted it to my professor.

Gender Identity

I was born a girl; and in regard to gender, I identify myself as female-feminine. I’ve learned to be feminine from the women in my family, particularly from my mother, maternal grandmother, and maternal aunt. My feminine portrayal is a reflection of, or a direct influence from the women I spend most of my time with. I have three siblings, an older sister and a younger brother and sister; I’m in the middle.

As a girl, I closely identified with my mother. She’s always been feminine and the distinctions between her and my father were never blurred. At home, I remember my mother doing most of the laundry and almost all of the cooking; I also remember my father and younger brother doing the majority of yard work. I do believe that those roles play into how I live now and how I would probably like to live in the future. My mother and grandmother always told me that “young ladies always take care of their things” and “a lady keeps her room neat”. I definitely take those lessons to heart today; and I also share them with my eight year old niece. I definitely think that while society plays a large role in how I behave and think, when it comes to femininity, I believe that some of it comes naturally.

I’ve always described myself as being a girly-girly; my favorite color is pink, I love wearing dresses, shopping, and taking care of my physical appearance; stereotypical feminine appeals. Even the way I communicate, verbally and nonverbally, I would define as feminine with the exception of my tendency to be blunt and straight forward with my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes my directness is appreciated or thought comical and other times it’s seen as rude or mean spirited. My older sister and younger brother often fall victim to my harsh words; the only real benefit is that my boyfriend is never in the dark about how I feel or what I think. Nevertheless, I am learning to say what I feel without hurting feelings or causing offense; going back to “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” I don’t think this change will necessarily make me more feminine but I do think that it will make me a better human being.

 When I was a child I was very much an extrovert; I had plenty of friends but unlike today, I didn’t say much. I played mostly with stuffed animals; only when I was with friends would I play with dolls. I also remember playing house, which had all the girls vying for the position of “mom” or “daughter”, leaving another girl to reluctantly play the role of a father. As I grew older, femininity had already been apart of my identity and it was the same with many of my friends. Now that I’m older I don’t have a gaggle of girl friends, so lunch with the ladies, relationship advice, and gleeful chit-chat is absent from my life right now but I do get much enjoyment from spending time with my family. I’m happy.